I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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