there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
