sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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