i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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