Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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