my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
