i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
