Life is so much better after having sex.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
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My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
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Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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