just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
