Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
