i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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