wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
