i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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