I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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