...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
