just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
