New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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