I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
