This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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