Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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