dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
and you said cock pushups were impossible
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
