apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
