sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
