My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
