I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
