people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
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i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
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Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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