Where are you?
In a non slutty way
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
