Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
