with your own penis?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
