So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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