hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
