He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
