If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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