I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
