Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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