What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
