Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
