i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
How external is "for external use only"?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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