Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
