I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
