Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
