idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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