I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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