I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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