Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
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I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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