connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
