do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
