I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
