The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
