he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
