I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
