Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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