I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
