Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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