We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
