im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
