so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
