I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize