so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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