I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
