Please, let me fuck your mom
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
