I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
