I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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