I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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