You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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