At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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