how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
