So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
