She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
