There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
