did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
