I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
