We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
