i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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