Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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