He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
