i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
