She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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